Lunchtime Is Crunchtime, by BRÆN CANCER

Lunchtime Is Crunchtime

by BRÆN CANCER

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1.	Cream Cheese Crank Call 01:25	lyrics	buy track
(I put cream cheese on everything, I put cream cheese on everything. No one can stop me. No one can STOP ME) Alright, so this guy; he called me at like 10:46 at night. He was like high as shit. And... He's all like "Yo I'm looking for Steve". And I'm like "Dude, you got the wrong number". He called me like two times last week and earlier today too... And I'm like "Dude, y-you gotta, you gotta get this guy's number down. Either you like got the wrong number or you're just dialing the wrong number over and over again". And he's like "Ah man, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry man", he's like apologizing for like a whole minute and I kinda feel bad cause he keeps on apologizing. And he's all like "Man you were probably busy like gettin your balls sucked or something". And I'm like "...Wheh?", and he's like "Yeah man, I-I'm so sorry, I-I didn't mean to interrupt. Make sure they like lick your balls n' stuff". And I'm like "Dude, I'm not g-" and he's like "Dude make sure that they like suck on your (suck on the) tip and like let it drip down and then they lick it off your balls". And then I'm like "Dude, I'm not gonna-", and then he's like "Dude, make sure they like, lick between the balls, like really get in". And I'm like "Dude, what the fuck are you going on about?" and he's all like "Make sure they like suck (no, like), one ball in the mouth with a ball in the hand"; And I'm-- and and that point I just hang up cause...cause what the fuck? I don't know what Steve's missing out on though...
2.	Burger Murder 01:47	lyrics	buy track
(Burger) I want to eat a burger. So I went to the restaurant. And I placed my order, and I got the burger I want. But then I realized, that I forgot to get pickles on it. But I am a narcissist, so I can't admit that I was wrong. So instead, I take my fork, go up to the cashier, stab his arm. And he's like "HOLY FUCK, I'm BLEEDING!!!", and I'm like "Stupid person. You forgot. I ordered some pickles". And he's like "NO YOU DIDN'T, you DUMBASS". He's like "YOU STABBED ME IN THE ARM!!!" I'm like "Yeah, I did, gimme some pickles". He's all like "CALL A FUCKING AMBULANCE, you DUMBASS!!!". And I'm like "No", he's like "YEAH", and I'm like "No", and he's like "YEAH", and I'm like "No", and he's like "YEAH", but then he's like "BLECK", cause he's dead; And I take, the pickles from him... SQUAD!
3.	Chicken O' Beef 00:57	info	buy track
4.	Carbonated Beverage Freestyle 01:51	lyrics	buy track
Worldwide phenomenon, MoeUncle3000... Got my man Dr. Crunch in the office... (WELCOME!!!!) BRÆN CANCER, live (Enjoy the music). Hoy you got nothin' else to say man- yo, yo lets get it poppin'- Ha-haaaa! Remember: just because you're off your school schedule, doesn't mean that you can stop brushing your teeth. I'm serious. It happens to everybody, I hope... Oh damn. The AC just broke. Alright, in 3, 2, 1... Think about this the next time you breathe. Whenever you go to the meat market and you see the sausage. Remember that that's a pig's intestines. Yes, you take the outsides but inside. And technically it's being digested. Technically, it's the intestines. Think about this the next time you breathe. MTN DEW looks like gamer piss. But MTN DEW makes you piss. So is MTN DEW gamer piss? And if you’re a gamer, and you piss out MTN DEW, then is that MTN DEW? Think about this the next time you breathe. If your soda has gone flat, you can revive it by breathing into it and shaking it up enough to mix it in. Yes, because it's carbon dioxide in the soda, but however. We mostly breathe out carbon dioxide, so technically, your breath is part soda.
5.	Fried Human Flesh 01:06	info	buy track
6.	Granola Bars 01:35	lyrics	buy track
24 family pack great value variety pack naturally & artificially flavoured granola bars. 8 grams of whole grain every serving. Says chewy? I make it crunchy. Lets see the flavours. Theres: Peanut Butter & Chocolate Chip, Chocolate Chunk, Smores. Nutritional facts? Lets see. For Peanut Butter & Chocolate Chip, that's 100 calories. Chocolate Chunk, that's 90 calories. Smores, another 90 calories. Lets look at the bottom. How much calcium? For Peanut Butter & Chocolate Chip has 90 milligrams, which is 8% of the daily recommended value. Chocolate Chunk, 80 milligrams, which is 6% of the daily recommended value. Smores, 6%. 80 milligrams of the daily recommended value (value value value val- oh it stopped).
7.	Pizza Time (ft. Black Skrillex) 01:27	lyrics	buy track
Oh shit! It's pizza time! You heard what I said, it's pizza time! Gonna take a pizza, shove it in the oven. Take it out, and it's full of fire. 1000 degrees, 5 minutes. Burnt as hell, but is delicious! Digiorno is the way to go for the pizza pie, I'm the pizza guy! Pepperoni, mozzarella, tomato sauce, and the fire alarm. 911 for emergencies, but my hungry my emergency. So I get in the car, drive to the store, get the Di-a-giorno. Then I go back, open the hatch, remove the film, slide it in. 350 for a whole 15 will not do for the pizza dude. And so I crank past the maximum, 300,001 seconds. Whaddaya know? My oven explodes! The Digiorno did the Digior-blow! Now I got an emergency. The hospital is the place to be.
8.	Dinner Drive Deluxe Depresso Mode 02:57	lyrics	buy track
Drive my ride, no food to grub. Need something to fill my tum. What the hell do I do? I don't have any food, I'm STARVIN!!! There was this one kid in Venezuela who picked up a chicken skin on the side of the road and said that he'd take it back to his family as his only source of nutrients... Go to the street corner corner corner corner. Go to the corner man at the corner corner. Gimme the corner food for the corner dollar. Eat me the corner food in my corner mouth (What). In Vietnam they eat field rats. It's a delicacy there. Think I bought a hot dog... ........ Back in the car. I'm still hungry. Go to the other other other other other other corner. Get the other other other other other food. I think this is like tacos, but on a stick. It's a kebab or something... I'm still hungry. Can't go to the store. Don't know why, but they won't let me. No restaurant cause I stabbed some guy, now I don't know where I can go. So I drive 'round, lookin' for scraps on this street corner corner corner corner corner. At this point I'm almost out of gas. Go to the g-g-gas station- you can't really do that thing with "gas station" but; go to the g-g-gas station, guzzle the gas in my mouth (WHAT?!?). Get lead poisoning. I got lead poisoning! I can't buy any food... Cause I got lead poisoning.
9.	Lunchtime = Crunchtime 01:38	lyrics	buy track
All natural life, I consume the wheat stock. Convert it into flour in my mouth. And then I put the lighter in my mouth, and then I make the bread in my mouth. I won't go to the store because I am too cool for the store. I don't want to spend any money so I eat the crops instead. Farmers HATE HIM! How does he get all of this nutrition? I'll tell you how, I put it in my mouth, then I take the lighter, set my tongue on fire. Then I make the bread in my teeth, then I lick it out of my teeth. Then I swallow, and then I throw up, because making bread in your mouth tastes terrible. (Inaudible vomit noises)

about

Hey you! Yeah, you, the idiot visiting this Bandcamp link. You like food? Oh, I guess not huh... Well, this mixtape is about food, food and violence; so make sure you come in hungry and prepared or else you'll be bloated in less then 15 minutes.

The following 9 tracks have been unreleased for quite some time (with the exception of Granola Bars and Burger Murder on a dated Soundcloud page) and consist of the most awful sounds and retarded lyrics that humankind could ever hear. Written and performed by Dr. Crunch and produced by MoeUncle3000, Lunchtime Is Crunchtime aims to prove the message that you shouldn't give everybody a chance to make music. Moe channeled his inner P Diddy for the production on this mixtape and Crunch did his usual routine of "record any bullshit that comes to mind".

Here's what Moe has to say about this abysmal abortion of audio:

"In 2020 I was finally moving out of mashups and going into sample-based music that wasn't coated with trendy memes everywhere. I knew of another guy who was doing the same, and his original music was something to bow down too. There was so much artistic integrity and freedom in his music to where I just knew that we could collaborate and make something big.

I reached out to Rat's Ass and he first recorded Granola bars based off the beat I sent him. The vocals were so off-colour and unexpected to the point where I ended up sending him 11 more tracks to write on. Around the time where he got done about 9 songs total his personality took a turn for the worst. From somebody who I once loved working with and chatting with in voice calls came a complete sociopathic introvert who ended up leaving me and our collaboration without even saying goodbye.

I'm not mad at him though. I myself suffer from Schizotypal Personality Disorder and know what it's like to have mental health be the terrorist to the human mind. I have no idea what Crunch is doing now or if he's even still alive at this point, but I have no malicious feelings toward him and wish him well. I was at least able to gather the 9 tracks we did get done together and spend a lot of time mixing everything to be a blend of perfect chaos. I wanted his vocals to sound distorted, not just for laughs but to prove a point about creating this type of artwork.

Lunchtime Is Crunchtime is a project I've put on hold for several months after bouncing between making serious material and doing other things to occupy my life. I hope these 9 tracks mean something to someone else, because at this point they're just rotting away on my hard drive and my feelings for this compiled workload are mutual at best now. There are a few things that were unfinished so if I ever find them and have the time I may just upload them on Soundcloud for the sake of archiving.

BRÆN CANCER was definitely one of the greatest things I could have ever brought to life, and seeing it slowly disintegrate turned out to be more of a blessing then a curse. If we ever do merch, I'm keeping the proceeds to myself. Crunch had more then enough times to speak his mind before ghosting the whole thing, so as much as I pray for him he brought his downfall on by himself.

Keep on eating folks, it's good for ya."

- Moe

Stream on Soundcloud:
soundcloud.com/blackskrillexvevo/braen-cancer-lunchtime-is-crunchtime-full-mixtape-stream
Watch on YouTube:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gk5anxlepto

credits

released July 3, 2022

This album's tracks were produced by MoeUncle3000 (An Uncle Named Moe) with lyrics written and performed by Dr. Crunch (Rat's Ass).

Track 2 features additional vocals from RZA and An Uncle Named Moe.

Track 4 features an introduction from An Uncle Named Moe.

Track 7 features additional production from Black Skrillex.

Track 8 features additional vocals from Angry Oldhead.

All tracks contain a variety of samples which I'm too lazy to mention here. Find them out yourself and submit them to WhoSampled if you want, I really don't care.

Shouts to Ray, Jose, Delta, Max Oakland, SycrithTheSquid, MF CELINEE, Willibeest, and anybody else who made time to listen to the demos (people who never made time to listen aren't mentioned because they failed to keep their word).

Artwork for Track 3 is based off a drawing by Samantha Monique Andrews.

Lastly, FUCK DJ Swivel! All my homies hate DJ Swivel!